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2016 Ruined Me and Made Me

By the title, this post may look like it’s going to be extremely deep and depressing, however, that’s not the case. Sure 2016 took it’s toll on me and sent me in to quite a dark and secluded place but as the title says, 2016 also made me. It made me a person I love and accept. So, instead of focusing on the bad stuff, I’m going to make this post a positive and hopefully, inspiring one.

At the end of last year, I left my job without a plan B and although it was a massive weight off of my shoulders, I didn’t intend on having to wait pretty much an entire year to find a new one. My intentions were to find myself a new job in the first couple months of 2016, that didn’t happen and I could feel myself feeling more and more hopeless as the days go on. I’ve basically had a year off and I’ve hated it. Now, let’s turn that in to a positive. I always thought my dream career was in Childcare… After a lot of thinking, I thought maybe Childcare isn’t actually what I want anymore? I’ve always known I’d be good in an office as I’m quite technical when it comes to computers and the whole idea of being in Business Administration really came together and I knew that’s what I wanted to take a chance at next. I did four months work experience in an office and have came out of it with so much more knowledge, lovely recommendations from the people I got the opportunity to work with and that whole experience has finally allowed me to find a job that I know I’m going to enjoy each and every day. The job is only as an apprenticeship for now, however, if I work as hard as I’m planning too, it may become a full time job. In 2017, I will be a receptionist at a children’s centre, which is pretty amazing because now I’m going to be surrounded by the two jobs I’ve always wanted the most. Working on a computer, whilst being around children at the same time, I’m super excited!

I had a group of friends who were ridiculously fake and only ever bought each others self esteem down, not up. Including mine. Whatever I wore, however I looked, there was always a comment on how I could’ve looked ‘better’. I’d get told on a night out not to wear flats because “people judge you on your shoes” (HOW SHALLOW) or don’t wear tights with dresses or wear more makeup so I don’t look so young??? Are you rolling your eyes at the screen right now? Me too. I had friends that picked out my flaws and nobody should ever put up with that. So, turning this in to a positive… I got rid of them. I wasn’t going to let them bring me down just because of their own insecurities. It wasn’t good for my mental health and it wasn’t good for my confidence. Why should anybody have to deal with friends so nasty? Ever since I have got rid of all the toxic people, I have become so much more confident in what I wear and how I look and if they or anybody don’t approve… Tough luck to them because I now look at myself in a mirror, happy with who I am, I’ve found acceptance in the way I look, the way I dress and the way I am as a whole person. If somebody wants to have a say in that, I’m not about to listen anytime soon. If anybody ever finds pleasure in picking out your flaws to boost their own self esteem, have a think to yourself on if you actually deserve that. I’ll answer for you, you don’t.

I was diagnosed with anxiety in the Summer. After days of crying over the littlest of things, I knew something wasn’t right. I had multiple panic attacks, I never wanted to leave the house or even my bed, everything was just falling apart. This all happened during the times I was still job searching and dealing with fake ass friends so having that on top just made me feel like such a failure and so lonely. Friends are supposed to be there for you in your darkest times and these ones just turned everything on them, literally another reason why I got rid. Life was just shit and I didn’t think I was ever going to get out of that rut. I do have a post on my anxiety ready to upload next year so I don’t want to get too in to the whole thing. Okay that was the downfall, now let’s see how I turned that in to a positive. I went to a therapist and she gave me options on how I can handle my anxiety and find hobbies that will sort of distract me and give me a boost of confidence again. I also gained a best friend in one of the girls from our friendship group as she was feeling the same as I was and she just became a light in my life, she got me out of the house, she made me laugh and feel good about myself and I never ever thought I would find a friend like her so soon. I still do have anxious days but I have found ways to calm myself, to push the anxiousness to the back of my mind and think more happily. I haven’t broken down in months, I am just in a really good place mentally and I can thank my two best friends and certain family members for getting me through it. It’s hard understanding a mental illness and I sometimes found my family members getting agitated at my lack of doing absolutely anything, but they learnt just as I did that I’ve just got to have a handful of bad days to realise for myself that I want to make a change.

Going back to the title, 2016 did ruin me, but it also made me. Every situation that made me fall in to a dark hole, I found a way to bounce back from it which leads to the situations also making me in to the person I have become today. This year has most definitely been my hardest year to deal with and I can’t wait to say goodbye to it tomorrow and never look back. This post is now incredibly long, however, if you wouldn’t mind, I would like to tell you a few things that have happened this year that I have been grateful for and that after everything, I can actually give 2016 a little credit and say I did have some good times. I saw Little Mix, 5 Seconds of Summer and Charlie Puth in concert. I met Charlie Puth, got to hug him and speak to him. I have grown closer to family members. I have found a job which I will love waking up for. I took a chance and went fully blonde, goodbye brunette hair forever because I’m too in love with the new hair. I met my now very good friend Lydia and had the opportunity to meet her this month. I still have my best friend Katy and that is the biggest highlight of them all so let’s not try to top it.

Here’s to hopefully, an amazing 2017!

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